the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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