So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
A bitchslap is in order.
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