just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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