I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
