he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
