She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
