not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
