I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you traded sex for a burrito?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
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