His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
