I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
