I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
