can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
