Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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