If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
