I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
