then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
