Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
