Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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