In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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