There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
