I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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