The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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