My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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