I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
