did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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