I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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