I want to make a zoo with you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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