I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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