Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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