Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
