my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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