dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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