I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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