Me. At least after what I've been through.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
