the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
