you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
