OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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