When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
