If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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