this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
farters have to be the big spoon...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
