I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
