white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
