How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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