Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
