I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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