No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
