I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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