I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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