This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
