You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
