Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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