the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
