I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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