T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
