well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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