That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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