If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
