"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
