Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
