do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
