oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
