Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How does it feel to date your dad?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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