Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
