Pants 0. Shit 1.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
