walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
