Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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