So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
