You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
