from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
