Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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