I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
