Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
