Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize