I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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